Joshua Jon Williams

Author Archive

Closing An Old Chapter

Hello readers,

I would like to announce that as from today, Terminus Infinite will no longer be maintained by myself as I am shifting my focus to my new website, that embodies a wide variety of my arts exploration under a new name that holds true to the nature of my self and my work with various communities.

I have enjoyed sharing with you and I hope to set up a new blog page on the website, so you won’t miss out on my writings or new compositions. I will not be closing the website as this will remain in place, however I will be stripping the blog of content that duplicates the new website to ensure consistency.

Again, thanks for reading.

Joshi x

http://www.i-am-joshi.net/

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Smile.

Even though I am sickened with sadness that looms heavily upon such a frail and fragile instrument that beats with its red glow shaped like a heart. I do my best to enshroud my emotions underneath a smile that rests on delicate plasticine hooks, that at the mere toss of a coin could break off into my skin. I would feel pain greater than that of any physical pain or loss that I have endured so far in life. Soon this numbness sets in and I feel hollow as empty hands thread me back together, then the cycle starts again.

Smile (2015)
Joshua Williams


Dissensio


Conflict and Resolution

I couldn’t muster words today for an article, but I did mutter enough to make this composition.


Live Your Life

Because if you are not there to live your own life, then who will live it for you when there is only one of you out there in the world. If you do not live your own life, no one will live it for you – don’t ever let your development and/or progress be halted because of a barrier in whatever shape or form it comes in. Keep moving forward and don’t look back because you have now crossed the bridge, you have swam the ocean and have made it to the other side. Don’t give up, otherwise your journey has ended and your chapter has now been closed. You are the only novel about yourself that exists in this world, you hold the pen to write it and the paper to shape it – if you abandon these instruments, then your story finishes there and your life has finished its course.

As I said, “Live your life because no one will live it for you.”


Video

Audio Blog: Salvaged, Part 1

Salvaged

Part 1 is now available on YouTube as a audio blog for your ears.

Joshi
x


Salvaged [P.1]

In my situation as an autistic adult, it could be seen that when people interact with me, that I may flinch or swerve away to avoid this interaction; this in time has become something that I am more aware of consciously. To this day, I do not completely understand but I can try to comprehend. As I grow older I am aware that my consciousness as a human being grows, to an extent where the world around me acts only as if a dream, I pass through its reality and it passes right through me.

I grew up as a ‘normal child’ at the time, prior to my diagnosis as autistic, where I lived with my parents all the way until sixteen. I did what most children my age do, I went to school and I went to my lessons, came home, played games, socialised sometimes and went to sleep. It was not until 2004 when my diagnosis came to light – until then, my parents had seen my behaviour as naughty or unruly. I once stated bluntly to a Maths teacher, who I had the utmost respect for, that I would not sit next to one of her pupil’s because I knew I wouldn’t be able to work if I did – her reaction was unfortunately negative, sending me to detention for simply denying what I saw as a logical request.

In the same countless years, I have experienced bullying like any child shouldn’t have to and I don’t mean that in a ‘special’ way but in saying that no child should ever be a victim to bullying. I have experienced this throughout my entire time in school, from a very early young age to later a teen when you’d think by then that maybe they would have grown up and stopped. I still think back now, at the age of 23 and 4 months, that all this could have been avoided somehow and that I would not be sat here writing this to you today. I do not regret that I am writing this as I am hoping someone reads this and understands that bullying isn’t cool nor is corporal punishment – start the road to a better future by seeing how your actions affect others and how your successors (if so) affect others even in their early years of development.

I write now at said age, having experienced a better life since my diagnosis and after leaving sixth form, where I held quite a fair bit of negative memories that lingered until halfway through my University degree. By that point, I had been on anti-depressants for almost a year or so, having needed them to recover from the ills of a bad period of time that I will not go into until a later date after this has been posted. I am still on those anti-depressants (sertraline if you’re curious to know) and between then, my life has significantly changed, if mostly for the better.

As I discussed previously, I am becoming more aware of my existence within the world and my place, to a point that I acknowledge that such memories as these, no matter how painful they are, trigger on a lapse of thought that can only be described as watching a video tape on repeat, with the included static from aging decay and distortion due to memory issues where there’s just a mess of tapes, their entrails hanging out and interweaving. I commonly state most things are connected, if not everything is, as small as these connections may be – they are still significant in the deciphering of memories and in the process of aiding the recovery from these.

For now, I’m signing off this draft, I wrote this because it has beared a heavy weight on my chest and I know that by telling someone (you, yes you) that I can now work on freeing myself from the shackle of my past memories and with hope to build a more stable, happy and safe future for myself.

Goodnight.

Joshi