Joshua Jon Williams

Posts tagged “life

Live Your Life

Because if you are not there to live your own life, then who will live it for you when there is only one of you out there in the world. If you do not live your own life, no one will live it for you – don’t ever let your development and/or progress be halted because of a barrier in whatever shape or form it comes in. Keep moving forward and don’t look back because you have now crossed the bridge, you have swam the ocean and have made it to the other side. Don’t give up, otherwise your journey has ended and your chapter has now been closed. You are the only novel about yourself that exists in this world, you hold the pen to write it and the paper to shape it – if you abandon these instruments, then your story finishes there and your life has finished its course.

As I said, “Live your life because no one will live it for you.”


Manifestation of Anxieties (of an Autistic Adult)

In my second year of University study, I took my practice back onto a personal level – this year, I was to focus on my autism and how it affected me as an artist with autism and as an individual living with autism. I had not at this point realised that in my foundation year prior to University, I had tapped into this when working around relationships. I had repeated this same situation in my final year, having turned my focus onto music – strangely enough, into just a short half year after graduating, I had come to realise how closely linked my creative flow was with my autism – I had made music that was seen in my mind through its own systems, rather than conventional systems that I was already aware of.

I still to this point, write closely or on the subject, so what is to follow, is my most recent collection of writings, that follow the past few days, where I had been feeling anxious. I have only just come to terms with what we call, loss and it comes in many forms this time around. But without further ado, the following as promised. 

Process and Value

You cannot seem to process man’s values as emotion or feeling – it is often linked to your sensory or nervous system of which responds as appropriate but in a sudden instance, it feels like all the wiring that connects you to your own unique feelings and emotions has become short-circuited and that as a human, you no longer feel. You no longer see your own feelings but those of others, lost in the fabric of the web that now shrouds even your own spectrum of feeling, let alone your emotions, in dust. These are left to molder over time into a manifestation most foul and into a beast you cannot control. You fear yourself becoming the beast with no choice but to either break away from living or risk your becoming of the beast.

Subdued and Numb

In the time it has taken to free yourself of the shackles of subdued living, you have been at the utmost presently delaying yourself from the wicked temperament of the storm that coincides. You are now drowned under, unable to swim in the sea, a puddle of your own tears as you fall victim to the fears you denied that resided within you, once dormant now restless as each and every fiber painstakingly aches. You seem only now to wonder as you drag yourself along the cold winding road, as all feeling escapes you and you grow numb to the touch. Your smile now insists that it avoids you as a shadowless figure, in the void now as it beckons you onto insanity as you lead yourself down this winding path onwards to nowhere and beyond your grasp.

How Do You Feel?

It is not a question of how I feel – rather it is a question of what I feel when I have truly lost sight of my own emotions. What I feel is important to me, is what I feel, knowing this is what I want and need, but yet I ask again, what do I feel. What I know is I need time, I want love, I need friends, I want a home, I need love, but I am mistaken for being too cold for anyone, even when the ice thaws, that it freezes over again but I am not a man with a heart of ice nor one to wield a dagger to those as fragile as glass.


[LiFE] Research Proposal

Information today comes in many forms, leads onto many other forms, that lead onto their own reformations that inevitably lead onto consciousness and enlightenment past the box to which we look from but never look out of.

When we consider the autistic mind in context, we realise that our due considerations occur before their timely occurrence within space and so the world acts almost as if a dream.

For example, consider the way in which data is arranged, the autistic mind will attempt to sort data as objects in a similar fashion that then allows for ease of processing.

However because of this, we may arrange those accordingly to other accounts, such as what we know and how we know. Again, data is sorted but in this instance, we either have too much or too little of information.

This in turn can fuel conflict such as formation of anxiety, creating data which we consider to absent or seek to streamline but see both as failure.

An example of where information or data is arranged in such formation, is the way in which structure can be broken down to break down links between information and this further to dissolve all existent links between predecessors and their inevitable successors.


Withdrawal

This world is theirs to create – to destroy under their willpower and recreate within their own image – almost as if godlike powers are within the grasp of mortals, yet no matter how far we’ve come, we are still holding on and this prevents the universal for terminating its connection with the fabricated world of man.

To achieve enlightenment, is to seek that outside of our mortal grasp, in a plane where we are neither the present living, the future born or the past dead as time will not exist, nor shall memory, that holds onto our fabrication and manufacturing of feeling that keeps us close enough to human as such things like compassion can.

Within mortality, we should not fear death, for in the wandering, we are at present, the living dead and versa, the alive dying whom wander through and seek purpose greater than that of mortal capability.

As we live, we die and we die as we live.